TITLE: The Fox
AUTHOR: Rich (Starbug42@aol.com)
RATING: PG-13
FEEDBACK: Please. It would cheer me up.
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me nicely...and I'll smack you. It's mine and mine alone!
SUMMARY: For those of you who don't know, The Fox was the piano player on The
Man Show. Recently he died of prostate cancer. He was one of the coolest
guys on the planet and this is my tribute to him.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the copyrighted crap in this fic. Sue me only
if you need the practice.
For The Fox. May heaven have lots and lots of beer.
****************************************************************************
"The Fox" 1/3
Willow sat in the library of Sunnydale University quietly studying for a
test. Her new psychology teacher was even more cruel and vicious then
Professor Walsh, if that was possible. Her silent study session was
interrupted by her two favorite men. Xander and Oz. "Hey, Wills," said
Xander. "How's college life?" Willow rolled her eyes. "Townies," she
thought. "It's going okay but this psyche class is giving me a migraine."
"You officially need to have some fun, my little gal pal," said Xander,
closing the book that Willow was concentrating on. "Why don't you come out
with us tonight? Me and Oz are going to this bar..." Willow's head snapped
up. "What? But you're both underage! You could get the bartender fired!
You could get caught! You could get arrested! What if..."
"Whoa, whoa," said Oz, calmly, stopping her tirade. "We're not going there
to drink. The Fox is going to be there." Willow's brow furrowed. "The who?"
Xander's eyes widened. "You've never heard of The Fox? She's never heard of
The Fox! How could you have never heard of The Fox?" Willow closed her eyes
tightly and clenched her teeth. Her migraine was getting worse. "Tell me
who The Fox is before I kill you."
"The Fox," said Oz, "Is possibly the coolest guy to ever walk the earth. He
tours bars all over America and sings the filthiest songs you've ever heard
in your life. Wanna come?"
"Why would I pay to see this?"
"That's not all he does," said Xander. "He can drink a beer as fast as you
could dump it on the ground. He's my hero. Besides, we're not paying to get
in. We're going to go in at four o'clock when they're not carding and hide
out in the bathroom until he gets there at seven. Are you in?"
Willow stared at her two friends. "Come on, Willow," she thought to herself.
"Do you really want to hide in the bathroom of a bar for three hours waiting
for some old guy to get drunk and sing? Wouldn't you rather be here doing
your...psyche...homework..."
"Okay. I'm in."
END PART ONE
****************************
"The Fox" 2/3
The trio were pretty shocked to see how many people were in a bar at four
o'clock in the afternoon. Willow, surprisingly knew quite a few of them.
She had no idea how many lushes she knew. Avoiding eye contact with the
drunken suburbanites, they headed for the bathroom. Unfortunately, there
were only two stalls.
"This is driving me crazy just standing on a toilet not doing anything."
"You're lucky," said Xander. "You don't have to cradle someone while you're
standing on a toilet not doing anything."
"Hey," said Oz, defensively. "I don't weigh that much." Xander shifted his
arms. "Yeah. Keep telling yourself that buddy."
"What time is it?" Willow asked from her stall. "I don't know," said Xander.
"My watch is halfway up Oz's..."
"It's 7:05, Will. Let's get out of here."
Xander put Oz on the ground and hopped down from the toilet. As the three of
them opened the bathroom door, the sound of laughing and cheering and piano
playing filled their ears. Pushing their way through the crowd, they found a
spot where they could comfortably see the old man smiling and singing at the
top of his lungs.
"I knew a girl as ugly as a duck," he sang.
"Hey, ladi-ladi-lo," the crowd responded.
"Not much to look at, but boy could she...swim."
"Hey, ladi-ladi-lo."
Willow couldn't believe that she was having so much fun watching a sixty year
old man go crazy on the piano. Then again, her parents did the same thing
for years with that "Great Balls of Fire" guy. Xander and Oz cheered at the
top of their lungs as The Fox downed a full pint of beer in less than a
second. And once again, The Fox got back on the piano and sang.
"Aye, yaye, yaye, yaye
Your mother embezzles from sperm banks
So sing me another verse
That's worse than the other verse
So dance me another waltz, Willy.
Aye, yaye, yaye, yaye
Your father's in love with a donut
So sing me another verse
That's worse than the other verse
So dance me another waltz, Willy.
Aye, yaye, yaye, yaye
Your mother sells Kool-Aid in Jonestown..."
At the end of the song, The Fox ordered two pints from the barkeep. Upon
receiving them, he stood with a glass in each hand. The crowd knew what was
coming next. As The Fox raised the glasses, the crowd chanted along with him:
"Ziggy-zoggy, ziggy-zoggy, oi, oi, oi! Ziggy-zoggy, ziggy-zoggy, oi, oi, oi!
Ziggy-zoggy, ziggy-zoggy, oi, oi, oi!" With that, The Fox drank both beers,
one after the other, in two seconds flat. That night went down in Willow's
memory as the coolest thing she ever witnessed.
END PART TWO
*****************************************
"The Fox" 3/3
Five years had past since that wondrous night. And now, she sat in a chair
in a funeral home facing the man she faced five years ago. But instead of
him sitting at the piano, he was laying in a coffin.
When she heard the news of The Fox's death, she had to come. Surrounded by
people she didn't know, she felt very uncomfortable. Every once in a while,
someone came up to her and asked how she knew The Fox, his real name Frank
Foxini. "I was just a really big fan of his," she would reply. She kept
getting the feeling that someone was going to throw her out since she wasn't
really a friend or family member.
As she got up to leave, something caught her eye. A familiar face. He
spotted her as well and they walked toward each other. She felt almost
sinful as she past his mother and his widow, both with tears streaming down
their faces. She did her best to push those thoughts to the back of her mind
as she met Oz in the aisle.
"Hi," he said.
Willow gave a sad smile. "How have you been, Oz?" Oz ran a hand through his
hair. "I've been good. I got a job in Washington. It keeps me busy. How
about you?" Willow shrugged. "Business as usual." They both took a glance
at the wooden casket. "I can't believe this," said Oz.
"Yeah," said Willow, holding back a tear. "It's like, I never really knew
him personally, but after you've been to so many shows, it feels like he's a
member of the family." Oz shook his head. "I know what you mean."
They both stood in silence for a moment. Oz gently put an arm around her
waist. Willow was surprised but then relaxed and leaned her head against his
shoulder. "Hey, Will?" said Oz, breaking the silence. "Yeah?"
"Do you want to go get a cup of coffee? Share some Fox stories?"
Willow looked her old friend in the eye and smiled. "Yeah. I'd like that."
THE END
*************************************
No, his real name wasn't Frank Foxini. I made that part up. Ignore that
bit. What did y'all think of the rest?
Long live The Fox.
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